Why Am I Here?

I’m starting this blog mid divorce. I decided this may be a good way to move forward when I tried, in desperation, to find sites that would put my mind at ease through this energy sucking process. I found there were no sites that catered to my situation. I found this very discouraging. There has to be someone out there who has been married to an alcoholic narcissist, someone over 40, someone with adult children….no go!

I found sites about alcoholism. Sites about divorce. Sites about divorce in your forties. But nothing that combined the unique and horrifying combination that has been my life for the last 24 years. So many people in my circle have said, “you couldn’t make this stuff up” in reference to my situation and recent events. So, I think this may help me heal and maybe help someone else out there who is afraid to admit the horrible experiences they have been through.

So let’s start with some current events. We both agreed divorce was the best option about 6 months ago. We have talked about this, have both flirted with it and threatened it many times in the past 24 years. One day I came home from work and he said “I’m sick of this shit and how you treat me! I want a divorce”. Granted I didn’t take this seriously because I had received a call from my son (early 20s) who was still living at home, stating dad is threatening divorce beware he’s loaded! So I was prepared. I pulled in, let him rant and then walked away.

The more I thought about it that night, the more I was thinking, this is my chance. He may be reasonable, he may be amicable. The next morning I caught him sober and asked if he was serious about the divorce. He confirmed this stating he didn’t want it to cost a ton of money, he wanted out and he didn’t want to take me to the cleaners, just to get out. OK!!! So as any reasonable woman would do, I grabbed a piece of paper to layout the division of property, money, etc. I told him I would find an attorney to do the paperwork and I was off and running.

Now, I’m very goal oriented, task driven. This is a good and bad thing. As the blog goes on you will see how this got me in trouble and how it saved me. So, I find the attorney, pay the retainer and let him know what’s going on. They draw up the papers over the course of 3 weeks. We go on with life waiting, waiting, WAITING.

Finally, the paperwork is done. The attorney says it is written to say he will begin receiving support payments from me by the first of the month (6 days away), he gets the house, I move out and retain my retirement. Happy life! I sign it and hand it to him to sign. He holds it for one, two, three, four, five days. On the sixth day I return home from work and he says “oh by the way, I’m not signing that fucking thing. I was busy working for someone today, I didn’t have time.” Me, looking at him with dumb eyes, thinking, you can sign it now what’s the problem?

The problem? He is an alcoholic narcissist. Oh and he doesn’t work due to a work related injury…but he can work for people off the table when he wants to. Welcome to my life!