This all started with with a local carnival and work on a farm. I grew up on a horse farm where work never stops. In reality this wasn’t work for me, it was what I wanted to do every day from the time I was 9 years old. By the time I was 21 it was a habit, job and expected to keep things moving while my parents worked their full time jobs in addition to this hobby we all had signed on for. We lived it and loved it.
The spring I was to finish college I came home to end my housing lease early and save money. I was going to be local for internship so why not. The local fireman’s carnival was happening, the farm was plugging along as usual and my internship was fast approaching. I was enjoying the summer days on the farm before starting a full time unpaid internship.
We need to put hay in the barn. If you have never experienced this let me just say, it’s a tough job. Dusty, hot, physical, grueling. We did it every summer to put bales up for the full year. Sometimes we had help and sometimes not. The local firemen’s carnival happened mid hay work. We went to a gathering to watch the parade and partake in the carnival a bit. My dad’s friend introduced me to my future husband. We hung for the night at the carnival and he ultimately helped with hay that year. That convinced me he was commitment to stick around. Because, NO ONE WANTS TO DO HAY! But he was willing so he must be a good guy, right?
Life continued through the summer without issue. No one knew we were spending time together. He was 14 yrs older than me…so yeah! By Christmas I had completed all my internship work and was ready to graduate and take boards in the spring. The last day of my internship still stick in my head forever.
12/19/1998. We went to a Christmas party at his friends house. Everyone was congratulating me for finishing school work. We were drinking. I stopped and thought he did too as we had about 15 minute drive home and it was snowing. We live on Lake Ontario (one of the Great Lakes if you didn’t know), weather is unpredictable and often really shitty. We’re use to poor driving conditions and this type of weather. However, that night I was really scared. He was a bit erratic but kept telling me to relax. He was speeding and wouldn’t slow down when I asked him to. We attempted to turn onto a road that was the second to last turn before the house he was living in…we ended up backwards into an apple orchard at 50 mph after spinning several times. The incident scared me. But I stayed!
He didn’t care that I was terrified. He didn’t care that we could be seriously injured. He didn’t care enough about himself or me to stop drinking to be sober to drive home. To be fair I should have been paying better attention to how much he was drinking as he was my ride. I should have called a friend, my brother or my parents. But I didn’t. This incident would be one of many red flags that I currently wish my 23 yr old self paid attention to. Hind site is always 20/20.